Did they really live happily ever after?

A lot of things had to NOT go wrong

In Grimm Brothers’ fairy tale of the Die goldene Gans (The Golden Goose) after many trials and enchantments the simple wood cutter wins the day, and the maiden AND the kingdom and the story ends with the immortal lines,

nach des Königs Tod erbte der Dummling das Reich und lebte lange Zeit vergnügt mit seiner Gemahlin.
(and at the death of the king the Simpleton possessed the kingdom, and lived long and happily with his wife.)

The Golden Goose

L. Leslie Brooke, from The Golden Goose Book, Frederick Warne & Co., Ltd. 1905
From: http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/15661/

So it seems apparent;

  • he didn’t leave his muddy boots in the hallway,
  • she never left her hair in the shower drain,
  • he didn’t talk with his mouth full,
  • she never had PMS,
  • he never belched in front of her so as to offer her 10 Marks if she could top it,
  • she never wanted a cat,
  • he had loyal and faithful field hands who never slept in the hay,
  • she was content to wear the same dress she wore on the day when he won her heart,
  • he prevailed in every business transaction,
  • she caressed and adored him even when he smelled like his pigs,
  • he admired her figure even when her thighs were wider than her horse’s,
  • she never had a cold or a wart or a 2cm hairy mole on her cheek,
  • his teeth were shiny and white, and his breath like jasmine,
  • their children were as cute and loyal when teens as they were at 3,
  • he kept all his hair, (probably in his nose and nostrils)
  • she grew her hair long and silky – (most likely on her top lip and chin.)

Can anyone live happily ever after, really?

So the idea of living happily ever after is a bit (a BIT!?) of a stretch, don’t you think? Maybe the story could have ended, ‘so they lived in the kingdom and made the most of their ups and downs, their disappointments and failures, enjoying the odd successes and happy days, doing their best to keep their heads high, their chins up, their shoulders to the wheel and in that rather awkward posture prevailed until they finally snuffed it and were eventually, mostly, remembered for being nice old folks.’

Just saying’.

The Brüder Grimm recorded wonderful tales. And now I offer my own.
They are available now and able to be shipped to the wide world. Why not get yours now, ready for the up-coming holiday trips in the car?

Colin Pearce tells 'Forgive and forget and other unusual Bible stories'

Digitally remastered from the original tapes.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive, off-topic or comprise 'ambush marketing' and/or SPAM.

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