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The Ten Commandments for Dummies

As spelled out by Colin Pearce

NOTE: They are actually commandments from someone bigger than all of us – not the ten suggestions.

With apologies to Moses (circa 1200 BC) and the King James Version of the Bible of 1611 with all the thee, thou, though thum stuff in them.

Dictated to Moses by his new friend God on a mountain in the Sinai desert and passed down to generations ever since, becoming the foundation of common law in the majority of the world - except for progressive places like North Korea, Sudan, Afghanistan, Sierra Leone and Chechnya.

1. Love God and enjoy Him forever.

2. Don't think about - stress out - drool over - or hanker for anything more than think about God.

3. Don't say things like, 'For God's sake...', and 'For Christ's sake...' or yell 'Jesus Christ!' when you hit your head on the cupboard if the issue isn't for Christ's sake at all or if you're not actually praying for help.

4. Work for 6 days every week and take a whole day out to refresh and rejuvenate your mind, body and soul.

5. Respect and honour your parents.

6. Don't murder anyone. Don't even think about it!

7. Control your sexual urges and only have sex with your life partner AND wait till you get married.

8. Don't take anything from anyone (or anywhere) that doesn't belong to you without permission or without paying for it first.

9. Tell the truth. Match what you say and report to the facts precisely; no spin, no bits left out.

10. Be contented with what you've got. Don't long for the loot and lot of other people. Be satisfied with your own spouse, house, car and clothes.

'Live like this,' said God to Moses, and you'll live happily ever after'